Here’s an ear-opening interview on NPR’s “Tell Me More” about fathers and happiness: Father’s and Happiness.

Listen to a traditional “breadwinner” father, a “stay-at-home” dad, and a dad who’s trying to do both talking about their happiness as they try to balance, their fears, frustration and . . . well, happiness, being a father (Guess who’s more often to be a happy parent?)

Remember the old-fashioned idea of respect for dear old dad? Or for parents generally? It went something like this: “You’ll respect me because I’m your father!”

Not.

When I used to hear that, I remember thinking, “The respect you want is earned. You aren’t entitled to it.” Here’s an article by a therapist in Tennessee who had a dad who earned his respect the hard way, he lived it: Loving Fathers.

Children learn most from us as parents by watching what we do:

Here are a few ways to live so your kids will respect you:

First, criticize sparingly, and don’t ever call your kids names, no matter how much you’d like to do it!

Talk to your kids about what matters to you, in words they can understand, but don’t use them as a confidante or ever let them feel as it it’s their job to take care of your feelings.

Show them what it looks like when partners really love and respect one another. If you can’t do that, get help. If that doesn’t work, think seriously about what kind of relationship you want your kids to have with their partners and do what you can to build your life and yourself so you can have one.

ENGAGE! ENGAGE! ENGAGE! Pay attention to the fleeting dismay that can be there and gone in an instant on that little face. Listen to the tone of their voices when they ask a question. Get out of yourself and your schedule and your worries and your life. That’s one of the best reasons we get to be parents — so we can become a little more human in the process.

Have fun! Some of us have a very hard time playing. Sometimes, it’s because we had to take on too much responsibility as kids. Sometimes, it’s because we’ve always been serious, always been thoughtful or all caught up in trying to figure out how things work and why they happen. Let your kids be your teachers. You may find a part of your life you’d missed altogether.

Lots of hugs and kisses! Kids need touch, from the instant they are born. So do adults! Show your kids and your partner genuine affection, just for the sake of giving it, and you’ll reap huge rewards.

Live by the principles you want your kids to have. Let them see you doing the right thing because you believe in it, even when you have to sacrifice something of yourself to do it.

Spend time with your kids. Every parent with a new baby hears older people say, “Enjoy them now, they grow up so fast.” And they do. If you’ve made a habit of spending time with them when they’re small, you’ll be able to keep that habit going when they’re adults.

Make a life of safety and security for your kids. Reduce chaos and conflict in your home to its lowest common denominator. Show them what it looks like to see a parent who expects others to respect his boundaries, and who offers the same quality to the ones he loves most. Stability doesn’t mean living in the same house an entire childhood. It means that when a child walks through the door where dad and mom live, he feels at ease, welcomed, and comforted.

When parents are having a dispute about their kids, it’s miserable for the kids. Especially if the other parent isn’t playing fair, and that happens more often than you might think.

When a parent thinks of a child as belonging to him or her, or sees the child as a a way to gain leverage of any kind against the other parent, it’s not uncommon for them to manipulate the child, or badmouth the other parent and his family, partner and friends.

It’s hard to maintain your equilibrium with your child when all this is going on, but there are a few things you can do:

(1) Be willing to listen without getting drawn into explaining yourself. Tell your child you care a lot about what he or she thinks and feels, but it isn’t up to the child to make the decisions. Make sure he or she knows that this is a decision adults have to make (even if your child is a teen).

(2) Assure your child that you are committed to working things out with the other parent in the fairest way you can.

(3) If your child repeats negative things the other parent or his or her extended family has said about you, don’t overreact or express your anger. Do assure your child that you understand the other parent is unhappy or angry with you and you are sorry he or she feels that way, but hope that eventually he or she will one day get over the anger. Expressing anger in front of the child will get back to the other parent, and that will only encourage the manipulation to increase.

(4) Don’t use your child as a messenger. If the other parent does so, kindly but firmly tell him or her that its up to you and the other parent, not the child, to talk about things.

(5) Don’t reject your children or get angry at them, even if they seem to be rejecting you. Be a constant, loving presence for them.

(6) Don’t justify yourself or defend yourself as you would if you were talking directly to the other parent when your child reports events you know are not true or repeats things he or she may have heard that disparage you. Depending on the child’s age, draw him or her out with simple questions that lead the child to reach his or her own conclusions about the truth of what he or she has heard.

Feminists who think men are pigs and should be relegated to a remote island, shut up and sit down!

Women at Google are showing that what fathers have been saying for the last twenty years is right! Children need both mothers and fathers, and mothers and fathers need to be able to share equally in making a living and caring for their families.

Check it out: Google Study by Sharon Meers Supports Equality of Men and Women. The study shows that mothers have everything to do with supporting the relationship of their children with the children’s fathers.

One of my fondest childhood memories was when my Daddy read to me at the end of the day. Our home was a very traditional one, and since Daddy was also a pastor, every day ended with “family worship.” Okay, I didn’t REALLY care what it was called, it meant that my folks took turns telling us stories! Daddy was especially interesting to me, because he knew EVERYTHING about the story. While my brothers and sisters nodded off while he expounded about the history of the Bible story, or the reason one hero acted like he or she should have acted, or didn’t act like he or she should have acted, I was enthralled. He still does this, my Dad. Just tonight when I talked to him on the phone, he told me a story about a new book he’d read that was about the same topic as a book I’m reading. Priceless!

This past summer, I got his book called, “The Power of Slow.” The guy writing it said he knew he was in trouble when he found this book in an airport on one of his multinational plane trips called something like, “One-Minute Bedtime Stories.”

That nonsense would NEVER have appealed to my Dad. And hopefully, it won’t appeal to you. One of the best things you can do for your kids, whether you are a mother or a father, is to take the time to READ to your kids at bedtime. Here’s a link to how you can make the most of that experience: Read To Me!

I came across this touching piece on Youth Radio International: The Struggle of Young Fathers.

Those of you who have the experience and wisdom to help these young men, please listen carefully to their voices and do everything you can to contribute to them, of your time, your example, and your resources. What you do WILL make this world a better place!

I was standing in line at my local child support enforcement office yesterday. It’s a long line. All I wanted to do was serve some papers on the lawyer there. But the place has better security than Fort Knox and no one, and I mean NO ONE, can get past the minimum wage receptionist. They change from time to time. Usually, they use their little bit of power like a very large club, but this one was efficient, courteous and quite sweet. In front of me was a young woman whose soon to be ex-husband, it appeared, was a poster child for the reason our child support laws are so draconian. We got to talking and I told her about the work I did and explained how many good fathers are out there. “What sane woman,” I asked her, “would NOT want a safe, responsible, involved father to take over when a relationship ends.” I held my breath and waiting for the response. A look of amazement crossed her face. “You are absolutely right,” she said. “I’d give ANYTHING to have a husband like that.”

If there are any of you out there who are struggling single moms, let us know how YOU would answer my question. Speak out, like the young woman I met yesterday. Maybe if the guys hear you, they’ll have a little more incentive to get involved with the kids. That’ll give you the break you need and your kids the Daddy they need.

Here’s a link to a documentary that celebrates something happening more and more often among men, younger and older. Happy Stay at Home Dads.

I would mention that I disagree with the intro speaker who says one parent can do it all. Kids need both moms AND dads, but thank goodness there are more and more dads willing to forget the stereotypes and be there for their kids!