I get a lot of calls from fathers who say they are victims of “parental alienation syndrome.” When I talk to them, I try to explain that using a label isn’t very helpful, especially in Maryland’s courts. The fact is, the family bench in Maryland isn’t fond of this argument.

That doesn’t mean that the problem isn’t real, it just means that the focus in a litigated custody case has to be on something more than a label. It has to be on the behavior of the parent, whether mom or dad, and believe me, both can indulge in this form of child abuse.

Here’s a link to a Today show clip that featured that now-famous and very ugly voicemail left by actor Alec Baldwin, for his daughter: Dale Atkins, Author of “Sanity Savers” Talks About the Behavior Behind Parental Alienation.

Here’s the problem. In order to document the behavior, you need a qualified mental health professional (read, psychologist NOT social worker) who understands the problem well enough to identify it, and to render an expert opinion as to how best to help the child who is the victim of the bad behavior. It’s hard enough for most working parents to afford competent legal counsel to navigate the maze of litigating for the rights of their children to time with each parent. When you add the cost of a qualified psychologist to the mix, it’s not something most working families can manage.

Some of Maryland’s courts have tried to address the problem with offering family support services that sometimes includes a custody evaluation, but even that olive branch is inconsistently applied. For example, in one large and well-heeled county, the court employs social workers who are not qualified to administer and interpret the testing that identifies and diagnoses the problems of behavior demonstrated by one hateful parent towards the other parent. Other counties have better mechanisms in place, requiring a fixed fee for the service, but in order to access the service, the offending parent has to demonstrate severe dysfunction. Many problem parents have other problems, such as personality disorders. A feature of these problems is the ability of the person with the disorder to manipulate helping professionals into “buying” their distorted view of reality.

Given the current economic climate and the very real limits imposed on state and local governments to provide free or reduced-fee services to family law litigants, it is crucial for us all to become actively involved in the budgetary process of our local and state governments to legislate for budgets that support families first.

Feminists who think men are pigs and should be relegated to a remote island, shut up and sit down!

Women at Google are showing that what fathers have been saying for the last twenty years is right! Children need both mothers and fathers, and mothers and fathers need to be able to share equally in making a living and caring for their families.

Check it out: Google Study by Sharon Meers Supports Equality of Men and Women. The study shows that mothers have everything to do with supporting the relationship of their children with the children’s fathers.

You probably haven’t heard much about this story, given all the attention given by the media to the Winter Olympics and Obama’s Health Care Proposal, but here is a link to a story that underscores two things. First the failure of the mainstream media to pay attention to the violence of which women are capable, and second, the way the legal system ignores the signs and symptoms of violence when the accused is a woman. Alabama Shooter.

Take careful note of whom this story “blames” for the insanity of the accused. Is it the woman who perpetrated the crime? Of is it the “man” who stood behind her? God forbid the media should ever suggest that a woman might be capable of violence, absent the “influence” of a man! With all due respect to Patsy Cline, here is a link to another side of the story: Stand By Your Woman.

I wonder if the Department of Justice includes the threat posed by this woman in its statistics about women and family violence?

Maryland Family Law Firm recently launched an upgraded website. Check it out at: http://marylandfamilylawfirm.com!

Maryland Family Law Firm is taking a long, hard look at how we can provide better value to the families we serve. The problem is, figuring out what that means to clients is not so easy.

It has to mean more to you than having reasonable hourly rates. Having reasonable hourly rates doesn’t matter much to clients if the bills are always a surprise and the lawyer can’t tell them how much services will cost.

It has to be more to you than the outcome of a case. A big “win” in a trial may be useless if the outcome ends up hurting the kids in the long run, or results in the other side being so angry that they keep trying to change what the court ordered.

It certainly has to mean more to you than a swanky office and a bunch of certificates on the wall.

I want to know (really!) what makes a lawyer valuable to you. And I want to hear from you. So please post your comments and suggestions. Here are a few ideas to get you started:

# 1 - “Having a lawyer who can solve my problem.” Tell me what that means to you. Does it mean “winning”? And if it does, what does “winning” mean to you? Does it mean getting you what you want? Or does it mean solving your problem in a way that protects you (and your kids) from more litigation in the future?

# 3 - “Having a lawyer who can negotiate the court process maze.” More and more often, folks in Maryland who have a family law case are trying to do it themselves. Do you think you can do that, and why? And if you’ve been trying to do it yourself, how’s it working out for you?

# 4 - “Having a lawyer who will help me protect my rights?” What does that really mean to you? That your lawyer explains your rights? That your lawyer tells you what your options are? That your lawyer also serves as a teacher?

# 5 - “Having a lawyer who can tell me how much it is going to cost me.” Most lawyers (myself included) who use the traditional billable hour/retainer approach to fees will tell you they can’t predict how much it will cost you. So the question really is, how much is it worth to you to have a lawyer who solves your problem, negotiates the court maze and protects your rights?

One of my fondest childhood memories was when my Daddy read to me at the end of the day. Our home was a very traditional one, and since Daddy was also a pastor, every day ended with “family worship.” Okay, I didn’t REALLY care what it was called, it meant that my folks took turns telling us stories! Daddy was especially interesting to me, because he knew EVERYTHING about the story. While my brothers and sisters nodded off while he expounded about the history of the Bible story, or the reason one hero acted like he or she should have acted, or didn’t act like he or she should have acted, I was enthralled. He still does this, my Dad. Just tonight when I talked to him on the phone, he told me a story about a new book he’d read that was about the same topic as a book I’m reading. Priceless!

This past summer, I got his book called, “The Power of Slow.” The guy writing it said he knew he was in trouble when he found this book in an airport on one of his multinational plane trips called something like, “One-Minute Bedtime Stories.”

That nonsense would NEVER have appealed to my Dad. And hopefully, it won’t appeal to you. One of the best things you can do for your kids, whether you are a mother or a father, is to take the time to READ to your kids at bedtime. Here’s a link to how you can make the most of that experience: Read To Me!

I came across this touching piece on Youth Radio International: The Struggle of Young Fathers.

Those of you who have the experience and wisdom to help these young men, please listen carefully to their voices and do everything you can to contribute to them, of your time, your example, and your resources. What you do WILL make this world a better place!

I was standing in line at my local child support enforcement office yesterday. It’s a long line. All I wanted to do was serve some papers on the lawyer there. But the place has better security than Fort Knox and no one, and I mean NO ONE, can get past the minimum wage receptionist. They change from time to time. Usually, they use their little bit of power like a very large club, but this one was efficient, courteous and quite sweet. In front of me was a young woman whose soon to be ex-husband, it appeared, was a poster child for the reason our child support laws are so draconian. We got to talking and I told her about the work I did and explained how many good fathers are out there. “What sane woman,” I asked her, “would NOT want a safe, responsible, involved father to take over when a relationship ends.” I held my breath and waiting for the response. A look of amazement crossed her face. “You are absolutely right,” she said. “I’d give ANYTHING to have a husband like that.”

If there are any of you out there who are struggling single moms, let us know how YOU would answer my question. Speak out, like the young woman I met yesterday. Maybe if the guys hear you, they’ll have a little more incentive to get involved with the kids. That’ll give you the break you need and your kids the Daddy they need.

Here’s a link to a documentary that celebrates something happening more and more often among men, younger and older. Happy Stay at Home Dads.

I would mention that I disagree with the intro speaker who says one parent can do it all. Kids need both moms AND dads, but thank goodness there are more and more dads willing to forget the stereotypes and be there for their kids!

I don’t often comment about my personal beliefs, but it’s getting harder and harder not to do so. Because I couldn’t be here, doing what I do, right now, without it.

So here’s a link to a post I made to an Australian website almost a year ago that I hope explains why I do the work I do: My Father’s Eyes